Falling Away With You
by Lillithrose
Summary: “Do I love you?”“How am I supposed to know!”  I ask him.  This question was obviously unfair.“Do you love me?”  He looks over at him, those eyes reflecting everything I felt on the spot.  “If you love me then I know I love you.”
1. Chapter 1

Falling Away With You

_Hikaru_

We're sitting here again. Watching people. Me and Kaoru, we come here all the time after school now. It's our small, unused bridge above Highway 27 where we can watch people and be alone. We aren't alone anywhere else, eyes are always upon us because we are forbidden.

We are brothers. No, twins. Two parts of the same person.

We are best friends.

We are missing pieces of the same puzzle.

We are together.

It's something that people don't see everyday. It's like constantly having a mirror around. It's rare that people that can even tell us apart.

But here, kilometers above the traffic moving at ridiculous speeds, we are simply together. We are simply together. And we don't have to say anything or do anything to prove ourselves to each other or anyone watching us.

I can sit here and silently wish that I could add one more thing to the list . More than twins, more than friends, more than simply together...I want us to be _together_. I want us to know what it is to be loved. I want to love him as something more.

Those eyes that shine the same as mine, but different. And his smile...the smile that glistens bright against any light. His body, which is so similar to mine yet so different and perfect. I want it all. I want to touch it...like I do on the days that there is no school and we are able to sleep together. I love holding him close to me. My brother...my beautiful, secret love.

"Hey look!" Kaoru tugs at my sleeve. I looked down to see that traffic had stopped.

"What's going on?"

"Some dumbass lost control of his car and did donuts and a bunch of cars collided."

"Whoa! I see up there!" I point to the cars. "People are getting out of the cars and walking around to see what's up." I smile. Kaoru starts to laugh.

"Those two don't seem to mind that there's traffic." He points to a nearby car. The people inside were attached at the lips. This time, I laugh.

"Nope. I guess not." I look up to the darkening sky.

"Wanna head home?" I ask as I stand up.

"Nope." Kaoru states while standing and grabbing his bag.

"Me either." Then we take off at top speed down the road.

_Kaoru_

The club is getting more and more difficult for me.

Pretending to love someone that you actually love is difficult.

I know that many people believe that incest is wrong, but I cannot help but love my brother. Seeing myself as someone else and knowing that they know how you feel exactly...no one can understand that.

Except for us.

Well, for me.

He does not love me that way. His eyes still look away sometimes, toward other people. I let mine wander at times like that too, but only because I have lost hope.

I am truly happy at times like now, when the two of us run together, side by side. Smiles dance on both of our faces. I want to know how we do not love each other as more than brothers. I want to know how we are not...one being.

The club though, it's a chance for me to act how I truly feel under the disguise of merely trying to please our customers. Without our beautiful "brotherly love" we have nothing.

Tomorrow there is school. Tomorrow I can show how I feel. Tomorrow I can release my love and pretend that it's nothing more than an act.

"Last one home makes dinner!" Hikaru shouts at me. I smile then take off at top speed.

I always was just the slightest bit faster than him.


	2. Chapter 2

_Hikaru_

Club was going great today until one of our customers had to break the mood by asking us what sounded like a stupid question at first.

"Do you two love each other?" She asked. Without falter, Kaoru and I responded, simultaneously of course:

"Yes." Then we laughed.

"What kind of question was that?" Kaoru spat. "Of course we do. He's my brother!"

"We have known each other since before time even started for us!" I smiled back at him, then took this chance to swoon the women even more. Quickly, I ran to my brother's side. "We have slept side by side since the beginning of time." I smile, speaking warmly.

"Hikaru..." Kaoru whines in his usual tone. The women's eyes grew wide with excitement.

"On the cold nights of winter we have been there to warm one another."

"Oh Hikaru...you said we would keep that a secret." Kaoru turns away slightly and blushes. He was equally as good at acting. "You promised because you knew that I would be embarrassed..."

"I'm sorry my brother, I forgot." I gently run my thumb under his chin. "I will try to make it up to you somehow." Then I pull my face close to his. The girls were going wild now. Their eyes might as well have been giant hearts.

"Hikaru..." This time, the voice sounded a little bit different. _Do you two love each other?_ Was there supposed to be more to that then meant intentionally.

Our act grew dry for only a second.

"We are ignoring our lovely ladies." Kaoru breaks the awkward tension then takes a seat beside one of the friendly women. "I hope you weren't borded by our small uproar." He smiles warmly at her. I then take a seat between him and the woman closest to him.

"Do forgive us." I apologize to another woman, though I knew I needn't. This is what they loved.

"My brother can just be so forgetful...the fool."

"Oh Kaoru...don't be so harsh." I turn to him.

It was rare that we would face each other again so soon. Today though, we had both wanted to. We had both felt the need. I know I did at least. I _wanted_ it badly. To look into the mirror of my own eyes and the reflection of my own lips, smiling just the slightest bit different than mine.

"But you forget things so easily brother."

"Don't be angry, it is just that I love you so dearly..." I respond quietly. Was this acting on either half today? Has he felt this just as I have all along?

_Kaoru_

I remember when we were young. Hikaru and I were so different from the other children. We were...more mature in some ways. In other ways, we would never grow. To this day we still love playing pranks and cruel jokes...

But when we were young, I remember us sleeping close together, clutching each other's hands and waking in the morning, still holding hands and walking into the world. No one thought it strange then. We were only children.

But then we got older. People started to tease us. That is the only reason we stopped. Before that, we were never apart. If we were identical twins, we were meant to be one anyway. Everything was the same on us anyway...everything.

We knew each other better than any. Even our mother had a hard time deciphering which was which. Our voices matured nearly the same, though my voice was the slightest bit higher than his...I suppose it still is, but it's not nearly as noticeable was when we were young.

When mother would call, we would sometimes switch phones just to see if she would realize that she was talking to the wrong son. She never noticed.

It took forever for us to realize that no one may ever be able to tell us apart. When even our favorite maid couldn't tell us apart, I think Hikaru and I lost hope that we would ever be decipherable.

Of course, it took a girl that we mistook at a boy to see through our disguise. Even when we tried, she could always tell. For a while, we had been happy about that, but then it just became normal. Now, it has bored us again, so the brief bit of entertainment we got out of her stopped being amusing and started to just be part of Outside again.

I think for a while, we fell in love with Haruhi. We both liked being known as a separate person. We both liked that someone saw "us" as "you and you." But then we became worried. What if we lost that bond? What if we became something different? That couldn't be. After that, we quickly rebonded and became as close as ever. Haruhi was never hurt by it. She seemed to expect it. Anyway, she went after Tamaki, not us, so we didn't have to worry anyway.

_Do you two love each other?_

Funny how such a simple question took us both for a spin. I knew it wasn't just me. I could see it in Hikaru's eyes as well. We both realized that there was more inside of us than just brotherly love.

Now that we are home, we are seperate. We can't decide what to think.

At least, I know I can't.

Do I love him? Well, of course. I had known that before she'd asked the question...hadn't I? I thought I had, but maybe I needed more than that to realize just what it was. I had never thought that I would actually have to face that feeling up close.

How would we talk about it?

I'm not sure I even know how.


	3. Chapter 3

_Kaoru_

I have to go talk to him. I can't just let this feeling keep growing inside of me. If I don't talk to him I might explode.

I get up and head toward the door then stop and turn back around.

What should I say? This would be so much easier if...if...there is no way to make this easier.

I turn back around and grab the door handle.

"Kaoru? Are you in there?" My brother calls to me. He had come to me. Obviously we were feeling the same pain.

"Yeah." I release the handle.

"I'm coming in."

"Okay." I stepped back, away from the door. My fingers were twisting together and unwinding and my heart was racing, but the door opened and Hikaru entered. He was a little older than I, a little more mature than I, and just the slightest bit stronger.

"We need to..."

"I know." I cut him off. There wasn't a need to finish the sentence. "But I don't know what to say."

I watched him take a deep breath then walk over to my bed and sit down. "I don't know either."

So, I sit down beside him. As an old childhood habit, I grab his hand and hold it tight.

"Do I love you?"

"How am I supposed to know?!" I ask him. This question was obviously unfair.

"Do you love me?" He looks over at him, those eyes reflecting everything I felt on the spot. "If you love me then I know I love you."

"But what if I don't kn-" I didn't get a chance to finish. His lips met mine quickly and quietly, as if he knew I wasn't going to know how to respond. It was the first time we had actually kissed. And the feeling was both new and old at the same time. His lips felt the same as mine and his temperature was the same as mine. Our breaths rose and fell at the same time and never once did the kiss break. If it wasn't love that we felt, it was certainly something important.

So I scooted closer. He did too. I wrapped my arms around him. He encompassed me as well. I pulled my cold feet up onto the bed. As did he. Moments like these really made me realize just how similar we were. Without even trying, we were the same and synchronized.

The kiss never parted until our heads met the soft plush pillows. We both took deep breaths and stared deeply into each other's eyes.

"I guess we do." I state quietly.

"Guess so." Hikaru smiles then pulls me in closely.

Then our lips find one another's again.

_Hikaru_

The kiss was more than I could have ever hoped for. But in the back of my mind, I heard that little voice calling out to me.

_What will mother think?_

_He is your brother!_

Can you do this with your brother? I had to ask myself. But then I looked over and faced my nearly sleeping other half.

There was no wondering, of course I could.

Then I grabbed my brother close and fell asleep beside him.

When we awoke the next morning, I could see that he, just like me, was trying to decide if yesterday had been some sort of dream. But then he blushed. And so did I.

It hadn't been a dream.

"School's going to be long today." Kaoru smiles.

"At least we'll have club to look forward too." I return the smile then we both hurry downstairs to eat.

Life was new and interesting again.

And club was more fun. We went so far that we almost kissed. The girls squealed like a heard of insane cats. But it was Kyouya that finally stopped us. He pulled us over and told us that he could tell that there was something different going on.

"We're acting for our clients..." Kaoru began.

"Like we always do." And I ended.

"Just be careful." He tells us without looking away from his notebook.

We already knew that, but it didn't matter, we were together now...until the end of time.

After that, we tried to tame down our act, at least a little. The girls however didn't seem quite as happy when we did.

Then club was over.

Getting home was the best thing that could have happened to us. We hurried to my room and plopped down on the bed. We turned on the television before doing anything. But it didn't take long.

We soon found our hands grasping one another's. Our fingers intertwined and we were innocent. Our toes tickled each other's feet. Our legs twisted together and we were experimenting.

That other free hand quickly found the other's back. Our chests touched and we were different.

Finally, our hips pulled in close to one another. We were both warm, closer than ever before and now we were wrong.

When our lips finally touched, our insides burst and we were taboo.

Our tongues twisted together and we entered a world people dare not speak about in public.

I ran to the door, locked it and hurried back to Kaoru.

Then our world became one people dare not even whisper about in public. I made the first move, though I saw the yearning in Kaoru's eyes, so I did not fear hurting him. I took his shirt off first. It was a quick but slow motion. Then I looked at his body as I hadn't in a long time. His chest had become more built then mine, but that was okay with me. It only made him more beautiful.


	4. Chapter 4

_Kaoru_

I took his shirt off quickly after he'd taken mine off. I knew this was wrong, but I didn't care. This feeling had sat inside me for too long. It surprised me to see that he hadn't gotten as muscular as I had, but that just made him more fragile. He was something I had to protect even closer now. I fumbled with his belt before he could get to mine. After a bit of messing up, I finally got it undone, but then he pushed my hands out of the way and got my belt off in record time and my pants too for that matter.

For the first time ever, I didn't feel embarrassed about being nearly naked. I only had on my underwear now, but I knew in seconds he would be joining me. And who knew how far we planned on going today?

It was funny to think that before yesterday I hadn't even kissed anyone before. Yesterday I went from perfectly innocent and new into worse than taboo. But I didn't care. I could hardly focus as I took Hikaru's pants off. I kissed down his leg as I slipped the cloth over his feet. I could easily see that he had enjoyed my bit of playfulness, so on my way back up I kissed his other leg then grabbed the brim of his boxers firmly between my front teeth and started to pull.

"Kaoru..." He whispers just before I can get the boxers over his first hip. I open my mouth, releasing the cloth.

"Yes, my brother?" I ask breathlessly.

"Are you sure...about this?" His breath was as short as mine and his voice was just as eager, but he was worried about me. Though, I had to admit, I was worried about him too.

"Are you?" I ask him then quickly meet his eyes.

"I don't know." He didn't want to say no because he wanted it so very badly.

"Do we have to know?" I ask, hoping the answer would be no. Obviously, the answer had been good enough because he then slid his soft, warm tongue down my stomach and grabbed my boxers, which ironically matched his, and pulled them down. It looked like such fun that I couldn't wait to treat Hikaru to the same fun. So, once he pulled away, I pinned him down. That was certainly an advantage of having a little more muscle. His face was happy. I knew mine was the same.

Within a minute, we were both naked. I had pinned him down again. Much to my downfall though, I was ticklish. He struggled just enough to reach his fingertips to my sides. Then I fell over in helpless laughter. I knew that he was ticklish too though, so I returned the gentle, tickles. We continued that war for a few minutes but then found ourselves kissing again. Then kissing turned harsh and passionate. Soon after, I felt a new feeling. It was a feeling I had not – could not- imagine. My twin and I were truly one now. Though there was a hint of pain in the midst of the pleasure, I was able to ignore it as the moment pushed forward. When at last we collapsed beside one another, I couldn't help but smile.

"Goodnight my brother."

"Same to you my love." Hikaru smiles tiredly then we fall asleep for the night.

_Hikaru_

We had gym the next day, as always, but we had to swim today. I was excited. I would get to see Kaoru nearly naked one more time. I had to be careful not to get too excited though. Because that could be bad.

I made it through gym, as did Kaoru. We moved on to club and had lots of fun, of course.

"Tea would be delicious my brother." I tell Kaoru, who had recently offered all of us some tea. He smiles then pours the four girls, I and himself a cup of warm tea. I took a sip and must have made an unpleased face because Kaoru picks up a sugar cube and leans in close to my face with the sugar cube inbetween his thumb and index finger.

"Maybe you need some sugar...I know you like things sweet." He puts the sugar against my lips. I smile and take the sugar into my mouth. Then I take another drink of the tea.

"It's much better." I smile as the girls went wild in love with Kaoru and I. "Leave it to my brother to know what I like."

Kaoru bows his head and blushes. This was my cue to place my hand upon his chin.

"Hikaru...you're making me blush."

"Then you shouldn't have been so sweet." I tell him then kiss his forehead. When I look up over Kaoru's hair, I see Kyouya keeping a close eye on us. His females didn't seem bothered, they knew how Kyouya was. To my surprise, I saw Tamaki watching us also. "Kaoru...everyone's watching." I whisper, only loud enough for him to hear.

"Good." He whispers back. "Club's almost over anyway."

With his reassuring words, I turn back our ladies. One of them held a certain importance to me. I'm sure Kaoru felt the same way. That girl had asked us if we loved each other. She had made us realize our feelings and I felt as though I needed to tell her but before I could say anything she smiles.

"You really do love each other."

After club that day we went to our spot on the bridge. We sat there for a long time before deciding it was time to take out our new car. Only I had my license, but it was our car none-the-less. So we hurried home and I grabbed the keys.

We started driving, the music was playing loud and we were happy. We were happier than we'd been in years. And it was because we were more one now then we had ever been before.

_Kaoru_

We were driving down highway 27 and for once the traffic was going well. I doubt Hikaru even had any idea as to where we were going, but we were having fun and that was all that matters. I knew it wouldn't be long before we could look up and see that bridge where we usually sat. I remember scratching our names on the middle of that bridge nearly a year ago. We should have added a heart around it.

Finally, a song I know. The Baka Song. Me and Hikaru both love this song. The last song was Hikaru's favorite song. I think it's called Fantastic something or other. It's sort of catchy, but it's just not something I'm extremely fond of. The Baka Song however was something that we could both loudly scream through the windows.

The windows were rolled down all the way as we loudly sang the song. When we came to a bit of traffic, I leaned in to kiss Hikaru. He eagerly returned.

Seconds later we took off again since traffic had finally cleared up.

A while before we could see our little bridge the cars in front of us started stopping and going. So we screamed out the window at them. Ironically enough, only seconds later, the traffic picked back up.

Then it happened.

I watched as the bridge collapsed, nearly hitting the large truck in front of us. The truck was carrying large pieces of wood and was nearly twice the size of us, but it managed to make a sudden stop. Hikaru slammed on the breaks so I stared at him, afraid that he wouldn't stop fast enough.

As I was watching him, I didn't see the boards break loose, but Hikaru had tried to spin the car out of the way, but we ended up slamming into the truck in front of us anyway.

And that was the last thing I remember before everything went black.


	5. Chapter 5

_Kaoru_

I woke up later. I wasn't sure where I was at first. Everything was bright and my head was killing me. Something inside of me felt wrong. It felt off and I wouldn't place what it was.

"He's awake! Guys he's awake!" Tamaki's face was smiling and calling the rest of the club over. I was glad to see them all, but there was one face I couldn't wait to see. I wanted to see my human mirror. "How are you feeling? Kaoru? How are you feeling?"

"You're loud." I state at first then rub my eyes. "Where's Hikaru?" I ask second.

No one says anything. They look from one another as if trying to decide who will be the bearer of bad news.

I tried to remember what happened before I awoke.

I remember being with Hikaru. We were at the bridge, sitting together, watching the people drive by.

Wait. No.

We had been in a car, on highway 27. The wind had been in our hair. We had almost been at the bridge...or maybe we'd been at the bridge already?

"Do you remember what happened?" Tamaki finally forces out at last. I shake my head.

"Not really."

"You two were driving together." Tamaki takes a deep breath. "The bridge...the one you sit on, it collapsed on a truck in front of you. Well, almost collapsed on the truck. Anyway, the truck stopped really fast. It had wood in the back." He pauses again. And this time when he started to speak, I could see his words. I was remembering. "He stopped the car fast and tried to spin out of the way." He stopped short.

"Out of the way of what?"

"The wood came loose and..." Tamaki takes a deep breath then I see what had happened clearly.

I see the car squealing to a stop and starting to turn. When I looked out the window I remember seeing the long pieces of wood headed strait for me. Hikaru had continued to turn the car. "He didn't want you to be hit...so..." I can't figure out why, but I couldn't remember at all what happened after that. I just see the wood coming toward me and Hikaru trying to spin out of the way. "So, he spun the car. You were still hit and that's why you were unconscious, but you lived."

"What about Hikaru? I don't care about me! What happened to him!"

"He...the wood slammed into both of you. He lost control of the car and..."

I didn't need to hear more. I could put two and two together. This empty spot was because he was gone now. The two that were supposed to be one were no more. I couldn't even cry. Everything just stopped.

"You were out for quite a while, so he..." Tamaki tries to finish a sentence but fails once more.

"We can take you to his grave." Kyouya tells me.

When we finally did get out of the hospital and over to the graveyard, that was when it finally hit me. I saw his name there and knew this was for real. I was on my own for the rest of my life. After everything we'd finally been through, now I was alone.

Finally the tears fell.

No longer taboo...not even different...not even experimenting.

All I was, ever would be, was half of a person with two brains full of memories.

Two heads full of happiness...of childhood, of getting into high school. Two minds full of being in a host club pretending to love each other like something much more than brothers when we both felt that way truthfully. Two brains worth of realizing that we really loved each other and everything we did when we finally realized that. Two hearts breaking as those memories become a thing of the past, a thing that would never happen again. Two hearts looking toward the sky wishing that Hikaru hadn't turned the car, wishing that they had simply gone home and explored each other further.

Two eyes, full of tears that were falling for two souls, longing to be together once again. Two eyes that would never again see the light of a brother's smile or meet the gaze of a lover's eyelock.

Two eyes upon one face of a boy forced to enter the Outside though I knew nothing about it. I was forced to enter the world I had tried so hard to avoid. But then it hit me...how did they know about the bridge? We had never told anyone...no one had ever seen us. That is why it was _our_ bridge.

"How did you know about the bridge?" I ask at last, finally pulling my eyes away from the gravestone.

After a long moment of silence, Haruhi goes into her bag and pulls out what appears to be a rock. She hands it to me and says nothing. Then I see it. Scratched into the rock, which wasn't a rock - it had been part of the bridge, the very part we sat upon - there were our names. And a dark stain.

This was the last bit of my brother. And I knew I had to keep it until the day came when I met him again. Then we could fly away together, without having to worry about what would happen if others saw. Then the two hearts could be together again and I would never cry again. But until that day, I would feel empty, alone, and I would cry...I would cry each night that I was alone and unable to cuddle up against my lover, my friend...my brother.


End file.
